Not just a diary

It was like I just woke up on that plane. I started thinking about things and taking a look around me. It was like I just woke up from a dream with a *POP*.

I dont think I stayed in L.A. for more than a week at the most. My brother and I stayed at some shabby Holiday Inn the whole time and acctually got a visit from my father the last day. When I answered the door I just stared, not like a wide-eyed child, but with a more patient look, expecting an explanation.

“Who is it?” I could hear Miguel’s voice from the TV.
There was a silence where my father couldn’t really think of anything to say.
“Hey, I…I, er, came by to wish ya a happy St. Valentine’s Day…”
Another silence.
“Valentine’s-die was more than a month ago, Jack… but still…” I averted my eyes and turned to go to Miguel, “… it’s about time you showed up.”The tension eased after we sat down in the hotel room. I didn’t say much as Miguel and my father talked of where they were going next and what the situation was. Then the subject went to me.

“Well, what are you going to do with Jessin!?”
My father gave an irrelevant shrug, “Ah he’s a fine lad he can go get a job and find his own apartment… what are you know Jessin? 15? 16?”
“I’m twelve.”
“Ah, I think he’ll get along!” My father was so stupid.
Miguel objected, “Jack he’s twelve years old, damn it! It’s the law for him to go to school and live with an adult.”
“Well why don’t you take him?”
Miguel was now standing up making wide jesters, “I can’t take him! I’m going to have a hard enough time fending for me-self!” He didn’t mention the fact that he was also only sixteen at the time. “You’re going to have to take him.”
“I can’t!”
“And why, Jack? Why? Because you’re too damn lazy?”
“No! Because I…” He just broke off in a stare, his eyes wandering.
My brother was furious. They argued a little while longer but I wasn’t listening. I stared at the floor just thinking. It wasn’t my fault I was born.

Although I was twelve I was a very different twelve year old. My voice wasnt high nor squeaky nor childish. I was, and still am, unbelievably grown up for my age. I think I stood 5‘5‘‘ when I was eleven and I was always a very serious child. Part of that was probably from my experiences. I had to be grown up while fending for myself. At the time I think I looked to be about fourteen, and my behavior was at sixteen. Go figure.

After that we ended up in Albuquerque, New Mexico in a large apartment place called Prado Grande (Large Meadow) in the heart of the city. New Mexico is like a big ghetto. Everywhere you go theres drugs, violence, gangs, prostitution, crime… its crazy. You really gotta watch your back and know what youre doing to hang around in some parts.

It wasnt until almost a month later when my brother Miguel looked up at me from his Lucky Charms and said, ‘‘…wait…dont you have to like go to school or somethin?‘‘

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